I’m sorry if you came here looking for poems, but they all have been replaced by Folgers Crystals. The Management hopes to soon rectify this lapse in judgment. Please be assured that this oversight is not the result of any hostile take-over attempt by outside influences, a Northern Syndicate, or a consortium. We have it all under control. The authorities have been notified, there is no reason for you to get up from your chair to make a phone call; all the lines are dead. Soon there will be a wind at your door. Soon there will be a mob, but please be assured that we have no part in that, and that we did all we could. We promise that things will soon be back to normal. We appreciate your understanding in this difficult time, and we remind you to duck.