Things about me that may or may not be true Vol. whatever

  • For nearly thirty years I lived under an assumed name, yet I remain unassuming.
  • I once fought a cage match with Don Rickles.
  • I took out a personals ad and answered it myself; it didn’t work out.
  • My work on the Manhattan Project is still a state secret.
  • I’ve climbed the Matterhorn.
  • I always carry a .44 slug in my right hip pocket. I found it in a mens room at a carnival on the Jersey shore when I was 16, I’ve always thought it would one day bring me good luck. I still have hope.
  • I have a reoccurring dream wherein I have been elected pope, but the pope hat is too big for my head and keeps falling down onto my shoulders, and it is really heavy and no one will lift it off me.
  • As a child I had stigmata
  • I’m worried that my love of the bourgeois interferes with my passion for the proletariat.
  • I want to have a sex dream about Kafka.
  • Everywhere you look was once a sea.
  • I’m afraid.
  • If you were to remove my skull you would find another underneath, and another, and another. A series of skulls, and fog– lots of fog.
  • I invented the French kiss.
  • I once worked for a man who would go from town to town selling strophes. It was my job to sit in the cart and keep it from blowing away.
  • I was the first theorize a fifth state of matter.
  • I hold forth my thumb to blot out the world.

Automatic #67

  • In the museum of Historical Oddities and Curiosities you can view _____’s angst in a ball jar screwed tight with a tattered blue ribbon tight around its neck
  • At night I sleep in a cocoon of old band-aids.  The blue light of the TV is not a dream but an instruction
  • But of what?
  • Something to stuff in the spaces in between, to lick fire out the mouths of babes
  • We are dramatically reducing our size
  • All our heroes are made of rain
  • I’m worried about the lack of heat
  • They say that’s the first thing to go
  • I want to stretch our exhaustion out, wrap it around us like a band
  • did I say exhaustion?
  • something is hidden beyond the doorway, you can see the light filtering in
  • someone is making shadow puppets in the back of your skull
  • don’t worry, there’s enough ruin to go around
  • specifically I was speaking of the intrigue of melancholy
  • sometimes you go for days without sight of land
  • someone is in the basement tunneling
  • I am feeling festive, are you feeling festive?
  • life is impossible without music
  • he couldn’t stop staring at her lips
  • what use is it if wont cure narcolepsy
  • the food had been prepared, the table set, the wine poured, but we couldn’t remember if we had invited the guests
  • His dream had always been to move out to the country and start a farm
  • She was far more complicated that her wardrobe indicated
  • I found a door in the woods I walked through it into still deeper woods. This went on for sometime: door, woods door, woods. I was beginning to suspect something
  • the plots became interchangeable after awhile
  • I couldn’t find you through all the smoke
  • the women were smuggling dynamite out of the camp in the fingernails
  • the landscaping is all wrong
  • I placed a yawn in the back of your throat.


  • Nice Marmot has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts for more information.  I will add a side bar attesting to this event as soon as I figure out how to do so.
  • I wonder if it is possible for me to go through a day without seeing or reading something that doesn’t remind me of an episode of The Simpsons.  I wonder if there is a name for this? An offshoot of aphasia perhaps?
  • I’ve recently learned that nearly all of the surface (or readily available without advanced mining techniques) iron ore has been mined.  So if civilization ever takes a holiday (man made war ecological meteor gamma ray burst etc) we (or I should say they–the future us) would have no iron age (lets hope they reinvent recycling)…I’m waiting for the age of bone.
  • The names of Popeye’s four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye.  Now really, who would name their kid Poopeye?
  • The average lifespan of the African Brownnose Turtle is 127 years.
  • I have had this poem stuck in my head all morning.
  • I posted this comment in the Poetry is News is Poetry discussion on Facebook.
  • I only drank a half cup of coffee (well it is really a latte, but you don’t need to know that) this morning.
  • My slippers are rank.  (yes, I wear slippers around the house, and yes I call them slippers).
  • Windpipes are now grown in labs
  • There are only 62 days left until Bush leaves office.

Things I Don’t Get


The “Left Behind” Series

Ron Paul

People Magazine

My Space

Conversations about the weather

Dog People


Fascination with/interest in the Olsen Twins (or insert other “celebrity” here)

people who litter (especially those who do so in my front lawn)

Books on CD/tape

James Patterson


Baseball as a metaphor for America

Douche-Bags (episode one)

This list is by no means comprehensive. If you feel your name is on this list erroneously then file your complaint here. If you feel that you would like to add a name to the list please feel free to contact us for a consideration of your proposed addition.

  • Thomas L. Friedman: He just is, and his books are folderol, and if you disagree you are probably a total douche yourself.
  • Carl Rove: For the sake of space I am including him as the token “Conservative Douche-bag”, but in truth I don’t see Carl as a real Conservative but as more of a nihilist with a shit-eating grin and a complete lack of morality.
  • Bill Maher: Smug douche-baggery is something a comedian can get away with, except that it requires said comedian to actually be funny.
  • Jimmy Buffett: He may or may not be a douche-bag, but this is a case of guilt by association. If you have ever encountered a”Parrot-head” you will surely agree.
  • Chris Matthews: No explanation needed.
  • Paddington Bear: You’re just going to have to trust me on this one. Total douche.
  • James Cameron: No talent hack, who has no idea that he is a no talent hack.

Ten Opinions in a Row*

  • I hate Radiohead.  Various people–some with respectable taste– keep telling me how great these guys are.  I don’t get it.
  • There are probably worse places in the world, but the emergency room of Mission Hospital at 2a.m. on a Sunday morning comes close.  Drunks, sociopaths, and general weirdness mixed with the order of booze and vomit and in a nearly in consolable 13 month old and you’ve got your basic recipe for hell on earth.
  • Speaking of Jesus; in the lobby of Sisters of Mercy Urgent Care in Asheville, there is a poster of Jesus scrubbing in to a surgery.  Apparently this poster is meant as some sort of inspirational/calming image to those who are there.  But, seriously, I know he is like all knowing and God and everything, but the dude hasn’t been on earth for nearly 2,000 years.  Medicine has made great advances in that time, not to mention the hygiene.  Do you really want someone whose idea of cleanliness is wipe with left hand, eat with right hand having a go with a vital organ?
  • WTF is with the reading of the Declaration of Independence by various NFL people before the (interminable) start of the Super Bowl?  I am all for the Declaration of Independence, but mixing it with the hyper-commercialism (and the latent Militarism) of the Super Bowl is just soooo fucking tacky.
  • Which is why the Stanley Cup (and Hockey in general) is a superior watch to the NFL.  There is none of this inflated pomp.  You have the Star-Spangled Banner Oh, Canada, then they drop the puck and go at it for a best of seven series in which the winner gets their names inscribed on a trophy of which there is only one (well there are actually two, but one is the real one and the other is one that travels to various places so the real one can be kept safe…but I digress) and it’s over 100 years old.
  • Nice Marmot has, after coming to the realization (which in truth we knew from the beginning) that Mike Gravel is not going to be the next president of the US, decided to endorse Barack Obama for President.  We encourage to follow our suit and contribute to the campaign in whatever manner you can.
  • I can’t get a good Rueben sandwich in this town.  something has to be done about that.

*ten is just a title

Out Of Hibernation…

I like lists.  Lists of all kinds.   Lists are succinct, yet informative; they are also a great way to fill up space for lazy ass bloggers like myself.  So here is a list of some of the sets of things that I (Some of these are we) own:

The Simpsons, Seasons 1-10

Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seasons 1-3,5

LOST, Season 1

Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Complete Series (Seasons 1-7)*

Angel, Complete Series (Seasons 1-5)

Norton Anthology of World Literature Vol.s A-E

The Border Trilogy (All The Pretty Horses, The Crossing, Cities of the Plain) Cormac McCarthy

Norton Anthology of Contemporary and Modern Poetry Vol.s 1&2

Contemporary American Poetry, editions 4-7

Also the entire series of PC D&D games set in Faerun (Baldurs Gate I through NWN 2: Mask of the Betrayer)*  

*Yes, I am a nerd.