Automatic 156

I had been traveling for months through an unknown land; my only companion was a spent mule who talked to me in a strange language. Horizon after horizon came and went, and yet nothing ever changed. Same grass, same corpses erupting with flowers from the earth. Same sun. I had forgotten where it was I was destined for in the first place. Nameless town piled up and then swallowed under by the sand, so that finally when we had reached the gates of the great city my companion turned to me, nuzzled with his nose, and give me a firm kick through the gates. I am still waiting to land.

Bullet Pointed Biography

  • I hope to be reincarnated as Nick Caves singing voice.
  • I spent 40 years wandering in a parking lot just south of Phoenix, the cars they went on for miles.
  • I am entirely responsible for New Coke.
  • most of my jokes are at least 20 years old.
  • I rarely know what the correct date is.
  • I fought in Napoleons Army, and lost a toe to gangrene somewhere in Prussia. I’m sure it’s still there. Would you look for me? I am sure it misses me.
  • I am at work on a time machine.
  • My basement is full blue ruin
  • I spent nearly a hundred years living as Count Vronsky, then the door closed.
  • I rarely eat breakfast.
  • I have never been stabbed.
  • I have never delivered a pizza.
  • I have never understood ______.
  • I enjoy a good sandwich.
  • I spent the spring perched on the lip of a branch almost budding.
  • I make a fine pie.

And now…a song:

Temp Life

So I am unemployed again, just in time for the Holidays (serves my heathen soul right)…I applied for the job I had been doing for 6 months, only to lose out to someone who has never done that particular job before, yet has worked for the state for 15 years. So it is warming to the heart to know that my college degree means nothing when I am beaten out for a position by someone who collects things with butterflies on them. Am I bitter? Apparently so. On the bright side it is nice to be able to spend time with the family, and to know that I will never have to attend another staff lunch at J&S Cafeteria…

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On a somewhat related note: How the fuck does this guy still have a job?

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